The weeks between when Milkweed said they were going to publish my book and when the contact actually arrived were interminable. I was certain they were going to come to their senses, realize their mistake, etc. I still believe that sometimes and probably won't believe it's actually happening until I hold the damn thing in my grubby hands.
I've yet to meet a writer who didn't have some pretty big demon of imposter syndrome hanging over them. Even the self-absorbed and arrogant ones seem to be filled with fear and self-doubt and build themselves up to hide it. (With some exceptions, who don't have much doubt at all.)
There's some British playwright, novelist, and actor, I forget his name, who had this great line in his memoir about how, when he's acting he can just leave the stage after rehearsal and go out feeling like he's done a good or bad job. But when he's writing, he feels like a failure every single time he stands up to leave his desk.
Oh I feel this. Sometimes it's less that I worry people will find out and more that people already know and are just not calling me out for it. And it's funny that you mention spelling because that's what really does it for me. I'm terrible at spelling! And as a writer/teacher/grad student, I shouldn't be, right? I once made a joke on Twitter that I was "solving my imposter syndrome by admitting that I am, actually, an imposter," but then I realized I should have spelled it as "impostor," and thought, "That's it!! I really am that dumb and everyone knows it now!" Thank you for writing this post! It's something I think about a lot.
I really believe spelling ability is a genetic trait. Sure, reading helps, but I know plenty of people who read a lot and still can't spell stuff. When I was teaching, I always tried to prop up my students who were poor spellers - "yes, you can improve, but don't get hung up on fixing it. Find ways to manage it instead, and you'll be fine in life." Which you know, might be good advice for lots of situations!
Gurgling intestines 🤣🤣 I love learning new words! And imposter syndrome is so real - it does help to learn that it seems like most humans experience it - but still such an irritating strategy of our brains.
I'm Italian, and live for pasta, and have never heard of "mostaccioli"! Belated congrats for your teaching award. Feelings of confidence and competence were in short supply for me when I was teaching. Great topic and will check out the Amy Cuddy talk. 🧡
In the 5th grade I was runner up to my sixth grade sister in our school spelling bee and she went on to sixth in the whole state of MT. Would that make me the favorite the following year? My first word was “fiery” and I went f-i-r-e-y 🤦🏽♂️….
Anyway, I think I mentioned the book I was gifted, “You are a badass” and I’m so badass I still have barely read any of it. I have a hard time wanting to think I’m all that because, well, what if I was and it went straight to my head? 🤷🏽♂️
The weeks between when Milkweed said they were going to publish my book and when the contact actually arrived were interminable. I was certain they were going to come to their senses, realize their mistake, etc. I still believe that sometimes and probably won't believe it's actually happening until I hold the damn thing in my grubby hands.
I've yet to meet a writer who didn't have some pretty big demon of imposter syndrome hanging over them. Even the self-absorbed and arrogant ones seem to be filled with fear and self-doubt and build themselves up to hide it. (With some exceptions, who don't have much doubt at all.)
There's some British playwright, novelist, and actor, I forget his name, who had this great line in his memoir about how, when he's acting he can just leave the stage after rehearsal and go out feeling like he's done a good or bad job. But when he's writing, he feels like a failure every single time he stands up to leave his desk.
Oh I feel this. Sometimes it's less that I worry people will find out and more that people already know and are just not calling me out for it. And it's funny that you mention spelling because that's what really does it for me. I'm terrible at spelling! And as a writer/teacher/grad student, I shouldn't be, right? I once made a joke on Twitter that I was "solving my imposter syndrome by admitting that I am, actually, an imposter," but then I realized I should have spelled it as "impostor," and thought, "That's it!! I really am that dumb and everyone knows it now!" Thank you for writing this post! It's something I think about a lot.
I really believe spelling ability is a genetic trait. Sure, reading helps, but I know plenty of people who read a lot and still can't spell stuff. When I was teaching, I always tried to prop up my students who were poor spellers - "yes, you can improve, but don't get hung up on fixing it. Find ways to manage it instead, and you'll be fine in life." Which you know, might be good advice for lots of situations!
Until this post I would have died on a hill defending "imposter" over a fake word like "impostor."
I’m glad I saved you from needless death.
English is a bullshit language.
Gurgling intestines 🤣🤣 I love learning new words! And imposter syndrome is so real - it does help to learn that it seems like most humans experience it - but still such an irritating strategy of our brains.
"irritating strategy" is so exactly it!
I'm Italian, and live for pasta, and have never heard of "mostaccioli"! Belated congrats for your teaching award. Feelings of confidence and competence were in short supply for me when I was teaching. Great topic and will check out the Amy Cuddy talk. 🧡
"I'm Italian, and live for pasta, and have never heard of "mostaccioli"!" This is the kind of comment I'm here for!
In the 5th grade I was runner up to my sixth grade sister in our school spelling bee and she went on to sixth in the whole state of MT. Would that make me the favorite the following year? My first word was “fiery” and I went f-i-r-e-y 🤦🏽♂️….
Anyway, I think I mentioned the book I was gifted, “You are a badass” and I’m so badass I still have barely read any of it. I have a hard time wanting to think I’m all that because, well, what if I was and it went straight to my head? 🤷🏽♂️