Ten thousand spoons
when all I need is a nap
After the righteous road trip I took last week, I thought I needed a vacation. Actually I decided months ago on this as vacation week, and the lineup post-1800-miles seemed fortuitous. But then, things began to arrange themselves onto my vacation calendar. I have to fly to Bakersfield, CA, this weekend to deliver a keynote and workshop. I gave another workshop via zoom on Tuesday. A hair appointment settled into an afternoon. Another conference for a different sidegig was poised to shift more down-time into up-time. Dinners-out scheduled themselves. But as usual, I thought I could handle it all.
As the long road trip moved squarely into the rearview, I found myself not recovering. Saturday and Sunday I was so very tired. Monday I could barely drag myself out of bed though I had to create the two workshops and the keynote. My weekly physical therapy session didn’t help, as my PT wanted to make me do so much weightlifting! Tuesday was a marathon of events, including that workshop followed by several other unavoidable activities including a long-awaited HOA meeting.1
Last week Anne Helen Petersen came out with this piece, “Where’s My Rest Badge?” about how our society prioritizes work over rest and what the fuck kind of life is that anyway? One of her reader questions was “how have you had to reconfigure your relationship with rest?” Part of my response:
I am the person to whom other people say “I don’t know how you do so much!” And then I make myself a little sick when I get too tired. My mom says I’ve been this way since I was a kid, always wanting to do, do, and do some more. It’s led me to some glory moments for sure…but now I’m 50 and I get tired more easily and I don’t know my limits. I am learning to rest.
But I’m not learning fast enough. I tried to rest yesterday, but I ended up running around all afternoon because I was out of coffee and had to visit the Costco. I tried to rest today, but I had some shit to do (that keynote is still under construction). I’ll head to CA for less than 48 hours and then try to recover in time for work on Monday. Meanwhile it’s hot and my plants need watering, my kitchen is a wreck, and I probably need to do laundry. I’m currently too overtired to relax so I’m writing instead.
Plus, when I overschedule myself, I don’t feel connected to my favorite people. And that sadness adds to the overall despondency that sets in. It’s a cycle of some sort, and I must learn to set boundaries against my own tendency to overdo absolutely everything. I need to save myself from myself.
Oh yes, and those two workshops — one Tuesday and one Saturday in Bakersfield? The topic of both is irony “Work-Life Balance.”
There’s a lot to say about HOAs. Now is not the time, but it’s coming.
Here, let me rest for you. I will stare at a morning glory while drinking chocolate laced coffee. It's cool you are doing workshops and keynotes.